:)

I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday season! I had a wonderful time getting to know each of you and I wish you all the best of luck in the future! Thank you Dr. Burger for being such an amazing professor! :)

Getting to Yes...

My interests are...

I - - THE PROBLEM:
Don't Bargain Over Positions
Page 4 - - Any method of negotiation may be judged by three criteria:  1.  Produce a wise agreement, if possible.  2.  Be efficient.  3.  Improve or not damage the relationship between the parties. 

II - - THE METHOD:
Separate the People from the Problem
Page 21 - - The parties need to be committed and psychologically prepared to solve problems.  Base the relationship on accurate perceptions, clear communication, appropriate emotions, and a foward-looking, purposive outlook. 

Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Pages 40, 41, and 48 - - Interests define the problem.  Desires and concerns are interests.  The most powerful interests are basic human needs such as security, economic well-being, a sense of belonging, recognition and control over one's life.  If the basic needs are met on both sides, the chances of reaching an agreement increases.

Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Page 57 - - Four obstacles that inhibit the invention of options:  1. premature judgment; 2. searching for a single answer; 3. the assumption of a fixed pie; and 4. thinking that "solving their problem is their problem."

Page 60 - - Four steps to take to invent options for mutual gain:  1. separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them; 2. broaden the options on the table instead of looking for a single answer; 3. search for mutual gains; and 4. invent ways of making their decisions easy.

Page 68 - - The Circle Chart for inventing options:  1. Define the problem; 2. Analyze the problem; 3. Strategies or approaches to fix the problem; and 4. Take action, fix the problems.

Insist on Using Objective Criteria
Page 88 - - Three points to remember when discussing objectives with the other side:  1. Frame each issue as a joint search for objective criteria; 2. Reason and be open to reason as to which standards are most appropriate and how they should be applied; and 3. Never yield to pressure, only to principle.

On a personal note, this book could be used in place of hiring an attorney for some conflicts.  If the conflicting parties remain civil towards each other, respond respectfully, and negotiate in a fair manner; then each member could walk away happy or at least, content.

Personal Knowledge Base

Getting To Yes

·         Part I: The Problem

The biggest thing that stood out to me in this first section was that “Arguing over positions is inefficient.”  Everyone has their own position, on everything.  It is likely not going to be changed easily.  Our positions that we have are ingrained in our personal experiences and how we were raised.  While in the workplace, this piece of advice is vital to remember.  We all have a job to do, and we should all have the same common goal in mind.  Just because someone has a different path to reaching that goal, does not mean the path is wrong.

·         Part II: The Method

The thing that I want to remember most from this section is to “separate the people from the problem.”  This is often very difficult to remember.  I know that I often struggle with this in the workplace.  Just because someone is being difficult or has a different opinion, it does not mean that the person is difficult or the problem.  It means that their behavior may be causing a problem, but the person is not the problem.

·         Part III: Yes, Bu…

I felt the most important piece in this section was on “how do you negotiate about the rules of the game?”  Many times in negotiating, people use dirty tricks in order to get what they want. This is not desirable or fair.  This section of the chapter will be very helpful when this occurs.  I like that it wants you to raise the issue, and negotiate about it. I appreciate that it does not want you to back down from the problem at hand.  If you want to succeed in your career, you can’t be pushed around. You must be willing to stand up for yourself.

Resolving Conflicts at Work

·         Strategy 1:

Our culture of conflict is based on our past experiences, just like the positions we hold onto so passionately.  Every society is different in how they view conflict and how to deal with it.   I think this simple statement is so important to remember in the workplace.  We are not going to be working with the same exact type of person we are.  There would never be any growth or fresh ideas if that were the case.  We will be surrounded by people of different races, from different towns, different religions, etc. So it is so important to remember to fight fair, remember that the way you deal with conflict may be highly offensive to another person.

·         Strategy 2:

I think that active listening is important in every aspect of life, not only when dealing with conflict.  However, I think that it is also the hardest time to remember to actively listen.  We get so caught up in arguing our side of the conflict and wanting to win the argument or conflict.  We tend to only focus on what to say next, instead of actually listening while the other party is speaking.

·         Strategy 3:

I agree that it is important to acknowledge emotions during conflict. But I think that it should be done in a fair and respectful manner.  I think it is important to use “I-words”.  Don’t just attack the other person involved and put the blame on them.  The conflict resolution will happen much quicker if you stay calm, and let the other person know how you feel when he/she has a particular behavior.

·         Strategy 4:

I felt the most important thing to remember from this strategy is the “Iceberg of Conflict.”  The chart makes the idea very easy to remember.  It clearly points out that during conflict there are underlying issues.  Often times some of those issues are from the past conflicts that were never resolved.  This would be a good diagram to make a copy of and keep for future reference.  It would be useful in the workplace.

·         Strategy 5:

This is a very difficult lesson to learn.  I think that in conflict it is very easy to focus on things that do not really matter, such as personality traits.  This only gets in the way of resolving the conflict.  We must focus on the conflict at hand, and work together to resolve it.  Leave the petty stuff out of it.

·         Strategy 6:

I think that at times it is easier for the boss to just look past the difficult behavior than deal with it.  For example, if a person constantly comes into work late, then works hard the entire shift, and often times leaves late; this can cause problems with the other staff.  It is not fair that the one staff member gets to create his own schedule.  By the boss deciding to ignore the difficult behavior, the boss is basically rewarding the tardiness of the staff member.  This cannot happen.  We have to just step up, and deal with the difficult behavior. We have to learn from it and ultimately, stop rewarding it.

·         Strategy 7:

I felt the thing I needed to remember most is to solve problems creatively.  This will be the most effective way of conflict resolution.  In my opinion, since every individual is different, why would all of the conflict resolutions be the same?  What works for one group will likely not work for another.  Tailor the resolution to the problem.  It will have a longer lasting effect on the people involved in the conflict.

·         Strategy 8:

I felt the thing that stood out to me in this section was to “explore resistance.”  We all know that there is going to be resistance in problem solving.  However, in order to prevent problems similar to this in the future; I think looking into the resistance of the negotiation is important.  If we can better understand the position the other side is taking, I think that we could all work better together.  The opponent has to have a valid reason for holding onto their position so strongly, look into finding out what it is.

Strategy Eight

What is Mediation?  A third-person mediator who can assist in communicating  and collaborating with both conflicting parties. 

Why Mediation Works?  Mediation stops people from arguing or decreases the argument.  Mediation is successful because it allows both parties to be aware of the others needs and feelings in a real way and it brings people together instead of dividing them. 

Reaching Closure...  Closure is necessary, even if the conflict is still in existence.  Page 308 reveals that stopping a conflict means to temporarily stop the fight; completion means to settle; and closure means ending the conflict.  To truly come to a closure, the parties will need to go through three steps.  First, be willing to acknowledge your role in the conflict.  Second, be willing to recognize yourself and opponent as a human being.  Third, forgive yourself and opponent. 

Strategy Seven

Conflict Resolution and Consensus Decision-Making:

There are six decision-making processes that individuals, teams, and organizations can choose from to solve problems. 
1.  Notification.  (To give notice of a decision).
2.  Consultation.  (Like a second opinion).
3.  Delegation.  (You make decision and let me know what you decided).
4.  Voting.  (The majority vote wins).
5.  Consensus.  (Willing to "go with the flow").
6.  Unanimity.  (Need to be in 100% agreement).

The choices above can be used to resolve conflict resolution and their usage depends on the situation or conflict.

Strategy Six

There are three ways of defining the conflict.  1.  Identifying the problem as a difficult person.  2.  identifying the problem as a difficult personality.  3.  identifying the problem as a difficult behavior. 

Number 1 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as problem people. 
Number 2 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as having a difficult personality.
Number 3 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as having a difficult behavior. 

Strategies for Changing Difficult Behaviors are surfacing the conflict, coaching, teamwork, process awareness, constructive feedback, problem-solving, shared responsibility, and support for change. 

Strategy Five

This chapter deals with 10 separations and strategies that deal with conflicts.  I want to highlight separate emotion from negotiation.  We are emotional beings so when we suppress our emotions, they do not disappear, they only hide in our conscious.  Then we are distracted and cannot find solutions to our problems because of our suppressed emotions.   The main goals in emotional processing and conflict resolution are to express your emotions to your opponent and know that they are heard.  Then emotional healing has begun and an agreement can be made.  The questions listed on page 183 will help identify the emotional obstacles in the conflict. 

Getting to Yes

Chapter 1: The Problem

When negotiating a contract never bargain over the position.  When we do this it becomes personal and we are trying to prove a point.  As an alternative you could use positional bargaining as a technique.  The two types of positional bargaining is hard or soft which addresses the substance or deals with the substance. 

Chapter 2: Separate the people from the problem

When you separate the person you are dealing with them as a human being.  While dealing with the human being put yourself in their shoes and see their viewpoint.  Now you are able to look at the problem objective and come up with other solutions. 

Chapter 3: Focus on interests, not positions

Our interest are needs, desires, concerns, and fears.  Interests motivates people; they are silent movers behind the positions.  Your position is something you decided upon.  Your interests are what caused you to decide. 

Chapter 4: Invent Options for Mutual Gain

There are four major obstacles that inhibit the inventing of an abundance of options in negotiations: premature judgment, searching for the single answer, the assumption of a fixed pie, and thinking that solving their problem is their problem.  To invent creative options we need to separate the inventing options from the act of judging them, to broaden the options on the table rather than look for a single answer, to search for mutual gains, and to invent ways of making decisions easy. 

Chapter 5: Insist on using objective criteria

Negotiators usually resolve issues by stating what they will or will not accept.  Try to reach a decision based on principle not pressure.  Then try to be fair, efficiently, and insist on using an objective criteria.  When using an objective criteria each standard becomes a lever you can use to persuade your opponent.

All of these negotiating techniques can be used with parents, teachers, students, and staff.  My favorite is focusing on the interest not the problem.  Today in staff development I read about a teacher in New York who wanted to make a change because one out of every ten students attended college.  He started focusing on the interest not the problem.  On the first day of school he shared an acceptance letter from a college with his 5th grade students.  Soon his students became interested in college so he allowed them write to the admission office at Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.  The admission office responded to each student and informed them of what would be required of them to attend a great university.  The students were motivated to learn.  The teacher sponsored a "Parent Learning Activity" monthly which included teaching the parents what he would teach the students for the upcoming month.  The parents begin to see the important of an education and they pushed their children to learn.  Each year his class has the highest Math and Reading scores in the 5th grade class.  This teacher focused on the interest not the problem.

Strategy Eight

Explore Resistance:
Resistance are sometimes caused by unresolved issues in the relationship, or control, or humiliate the other, or trying to fix blame.  When conflicts can not be solved a mediator is sometimes required.  A mediator is an unbiased third-party individual who can assist you and your opponent in communicating your ideas and feelings to each other.  Mediators are used to help solve the problems so they do not occur again.  Mediators can be used in workplaces, community disputes, and divorces.  We use them because they are unbias so they help each party in the dispute communicate what they want.  They are usually cheaper than an attorney.  I believe in education the mediator is sometimes the principal when dealing with a teacher and an angry parent.  In order to reach closure you must be willing to recognized your own role in the conflict, recognized your opponent as a human being, and you need to forgive your opponent and yourself. 

Strategy Seven

Solving Problems:
The authors talked about the three shifts of problem solving.  Shift one is adopting a positive attitude.  I believe when you are faced with a great decision having a positive attitude will help you solve the problem faster.  Shift two is a collaborative process.  I enjoy collaborating with others because many times others may see an option that you didn't see.  Shift three is solve the problem of how to solve problems.  The author used Albert Einstein quote, "our problems cannot be solved with the same level of thinking that created them."  Then, the author went on to say we can't look at the problem as an enemy but as an opportunity for learning.  When we create a shift in our attitude toward the problem we grow.  We are able to learn how to never go through this again.

Strategy Six

The author states, "there are three main ways of defining the problem of your conflicted relationship with your opponent.  These consist of identifying the problem as a difficult person, a difficult personality, or as a difficult behavior." 
Difficult person:  I have learned that when conflicts occur the only person I can change is myself.  I must not focus on the difficult person actions, views, or comments.  I must focus on what I may have said and agree to speak more respectfully to the other person in the future. 
Difficult personality:  I have learned that sometimes the behavior is a coping mechanism and may merely be a diversion to draw attention away from the facts. 
Difficult behavior:  I have learned that many of our behaviors begin when we were a child because we were either deprived or received too much. 
When I become a principal, I will have conflicts with people who possess these qualities.  The three top techniques that I will use are:  Accept other people and their ideas (focus on their behavior and why it bothers me), Do not try to change their behavior (discuss the issues as "its"), Be willing to collaborate (take responsibility for my actions).  This chapter has really helped me to become a better listener and focus on the issue not the person. 

Getting to Yes 1-5

On page 27, the book states: “Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. If they are not involved in the process, they are hardly likely to approve of the product. It is that simple.”

This is a valid point. Keeping this in mind when working as a group, big or small, could make the difference between a successful endeavor or a failed experience. Sometimes all someone needs is for someone to give them a chance with some responsibility and just knowing that the team is relying on them to produce, will result in a successful project. In fact, I just watched the movie “Hoosiers” and Shooter’s character comes to mind with this passage. Shooter (Dennis Hopper) is a washed up high school basketball player who still talks about the glory days of his playing career. He has a son that plays for the same Hickory High Huskers that he did, but instead of living vicariously through him, he wallows in his alcoholism and “what could have been.” Coach Norman Dale (Gene Hackman) decides that giving Shooter a chance is the only way to restore his sense of pride. Shooter has his ups and downs, but eventually recovers and gets to enjoy his Hickory High Huskers winning the state championship. By giving Shooter a stake in the outcome (when everyone else had written him off), Coach Dale salvaged a human being and a father-son relationship.

The entirety of chapter 5 is focused on the importance of using objective standards when developing a resolution. If one were to not assure that the standards of the resolution are 100% objective, it leaves them open to interpretation which can lead to more conflict and the last thing you want while trying to resolve one conflict is to incite another. Reading this was just a friendly reminder how important objective goals are when dealing with external conflicts.

Strategy 1

On page 2, the book states: “Many organizational cultures place a premium on conflict avoidance, whereas others reward accommodation or compromise. A number of highly competitive corporate cultures give high marks for aggression. Most possess a subtle set of rules regarding who can behave how, with whom, and over what.”

I would say that this is mostly correct. However, in my opinion none of the 3 options listed above (avoidance, accommodation, aggression) are really the right answer to dealing with conflict. To me, accommodation is the best case scenario if only given those three options, but being mature and handling the conflict face-to-face with the other side of the debate and resolving the conflict is the way it should be handled. I understand that a lot of corporations and organizations like to maintain a happy face and do so by sweeping the conflict under the rug. Truthfully, that probably works in the short term, but eventually it will boil over, or there will be some monstrous conflict that cannot be ignored that will overtake the company and its employees because none of them know how to deal with conflict because they have been told to just avoid it. Compromise usually leads to one side still being slightly jealous of the other side, and aggression can lead to an extreme sense of unfairness and hostility. I will use this knowledge to formulate a strategy in my future place of employment that does not resemble what was stated in that excerpt from the book, but instead encourages conflict resolving.

Strategy 2

On page 36, the book states: “Each of us filters what we hear through a largely unconscious unspoken backdrop of personal history, culture, and context that profoundly shapes the way we understand and interpret events and communications. We all lend a personal shape to reality and interpret it according to our own experiences, needs, desires, and expectations.”

This excerpt is especially important to keep in mind in any line of work, but especially athletics because of the wide variety of people with which we deal. Athletes come from all sorts of background and upbringings that can alter the perception of what we say. Being mindful of the way we say things is the first step in avoiding any misinterpretations. Another thing that you should do regardless of trying to establish effective lines of communication is getting to know your athletes (or co-workers in a mainstream job). Take some time to converse with them and get to know them so you have an idea of how their personal experiences will shape what you say to them.

Strategy 3

On page 76, the book states: “How we respond to our own powerful emotions affects our capacity to hear and respond to those of others, making us more or less available for relationships with people who express similar emotions. It is useful to think of emotions as teachers to be learned from, rather than as devils to be suppressed.”

In today’s world the phrase “cooler heads prevail” has become a phrase that some people live by. However, if you read this excerpt from strategy 3, it is not necessarily keeping your emotions in check that is the key as much as it is experiencing them and learning from them. Suppressing one’s own emotions and/or not even acknowledging them can lead to serious negative side effects like the inability to effectively process his or her own emotions in a time of crisis. After reading this passage I realized I needed to better process my own emotions and use them as learning tools rather than ignore them or suppress them or pretend like they don’t exist. By utilizing them as teachers, I will become a better functioning member of society as I will be able to use my emotions effectively.

Embedded video

I found out how to embed a You Tube video without getting all the "extra" (sometimes scary) videos on the You Tube page along with it. Below your You Tube video, click on Embed and copy the code. Go to the blog and click on "New Post." Above the post box, click "Edit HTML" and then paste the code into the box and "Publish" the post. You video will show up but not all the other YouTube stuff. I tried it with Mike's video as you can see below.

Embedded video

Mediation Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bujnbMB1oas

Cognitive Coaching

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYQz2RIW6Fs

Negotiation video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21gqmr0gtps

Conflict Resolution/Negotiation Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O4mv-a69h8

Negotiation video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXVbN98bApA

Jr. High Mediation

Mediation In Action at Zundy Jr High.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZTsimj-MS4

Fun Fun Mediation Video!

OK...Try this!

part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9t5lxBn2SLM

part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3ADyFKkaoY

Mediation Video

I hope that I did this right. Here is the link to my video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsFc4qA8NEI

Creativity World Forum

Wow, I am immersed in learning about creativity and entrepreneurship and have been priviledged to hear Daniel Pink, David Pogue, Sir Ken Robinson, and Blake Mycowski among others. I have also heard some great musical performances and attended some sessions that are helping (hopefully) figure out how to process my new knowledge into something useful. I am heading back today for more inspiration and will share more later -- when I have time to elaborate.

MOCOM 2020 - The Future of Mobile Media and Communication

In the Mix: Conflict Resolution -- Thinking It Through (Excerpt)

Conflict Resolution

Strategy 8

"Explore resistance, mediate and design systems for prevention and resolution"

I kept reading with the nagging doubt that I will end up encountering someone in negotiating (like at the car lot!) who just won't negotiate collaboratively. Sometimes the BATNA is there, but although it is the best alternative, it is certainly not better than a good agreement. For instance, I may have a car that runs, but is not dependable so I really do need to negotiate a good deal. 

Once again we turn to critically analyzing the motives behind a refusal to collaboratively solve the problem. If we can define the reason, perhaps we can persuade them to collaborate. Cloke and Goldsmith list a large number of techniques for working through an impasse. A good example is to ask why your alternative is unacceptable. Oftentimes this will reveal ulterior motives and allow for a creative solution.

Strategy 7

"Solve problems creatively, plan strategically and negotiate collaboratively"

This strategy expands on defining the problem. Again, by thinking critically about solving the problem, we can define it and begin looking for outside of the box solutions. Just like a physics problem, we must define the problem, define the variable, the knowns and unknowns, then choose the appropriate tool or equation to solve the problem.

Adapting a positive attitude is the first step. Again, as in physics, if we think about problem solving as drudgery or punishment it will be just that. If we view it as a challenge, we will experience joy and satisfaction when we have solved the problem. If we attempt to approach the process collaboratively, bringing in our opponent as a collaborator, then we will find ourselves working for a common goal.

I think the five steps are particularly useful:
1. Admit and decide to solve the problem
2. Collaboratively define and clarify the problem
3. Jointly analyze, categorize, and prioritize the problem
4. Invent solutions that satisfy everyone's interest
5. Jointly act, evaluate results, acknowledge efforts, and celebrate successes.

With no elaboration, we can follow these step and improve our conflict resolution dramatically.

While all of this is good, I just can't help but wonder, what if the other side just doesn't agree to collaboratively help solve the problem. Perhaps it's then time to explore resistance and mediation...

Resolving Conflicts 6

"Stop rewarding and learn from difficult behaviors."

This chapter begins by explaining that defining the problem is the problem. I can't agree more. Once a problem is defined, the problem is half solved. This is very much analogous to working physics problems. Many physicists have quotes about defining problems. I watch as my physics students set up a problem incorrectly only to come up with an incorrect solution. How many times do we argue with a loved one only to find we've forgotten what we are arguing about? Clearly defining the problem and maintaining focus on that problem is the only way to come to an effective solution.

Chapter six also reiterates the concept of separating the people from the problem. It tells us to look at the difficult behaviors of people rather than at the people as being difficult themselves. This is an excellent tactic to help reframe your perspective, that you might be able to negotiate in a more critical and effective manner. I really like the section that elaborates on strategies for dealing with the difficult behaviors. Just like in teaching, we are often told to deal with the behavior, not the person, but are not given strategies for dealing with the person. This section gives us those valuable strategies.

Yes, but...

Reading through the final chapter of getting to yes once again take my imagination back to the car lot. I guess that's just where I have done most of my negotiating...or perhaps that is where I have done my most dysfunctional negotiating.

The concept of BATNA is particularly helful in a situation like this. often times we approach the negotiation in need. If we are in serious need, our BATNA may be painfully obvious. The other party can detect that need and exploit it for maximum gain. However, in most cases, if we don't settle on an agreement our BATNA is merely to remain in the same state we are in, driving the same car, keeping the job we have already and perhaps continuing to live without that item we just couldn't live without.

I like the idea of chapter seven. Just like much of the other stuff we have read, chapter seven maintains and elaborates on a theme of critically thinking during a negotiation. It is of great benefit to control your emotion and think stratgeically about how your oponent might respond. It is almost a game of mental chess. It is interesting to contrast this to "Resolving Conflicts." The other book say to experience your emotions fully. I suppose experiencing them and maintaing control are two different things. You certainly wouldn't want to lose your temper while negotiating...Then the other side might use negotiational jujitsu on you.

I think the next section is particularly what reminds me of the car lot. In chapter eight, the book spoke of stall tactics, good guy bad guy, going to ask someone else. I can remember negotiating on a new Honda several years ago. The salesman left and was gone for ten or fifteen minutes...no doubt he was using the stall tactic. I wish I had some of these negotiating skills back then! I would have settled for my BATNA and walked out!

Strategies: Three, Four, and Five

Strategy Three: Acknowledge and Integrate Emotions to Solve Problems

Personally, I enjoyed reading the section about Managing Intense Emotions. I am the type of person that carries my emotions on my shoulders and sometimes my emotions get the best of me. Emotions can be portrayed as positive or negative and I truly believe this to be so. In strategy three, the book states that “Simply expressing emotions without altering the way they are expressed just reinforces and strengthens them.” Being the cheerleading coach, I was told that I needed to be careful with how I relayed messages to the team about their performance and skill levels. But after reading this section, I feel strongly that I should not hold anything back from my emotions and that I should openly and honestly express them when an issue arises. If I could truly express my emotions to the team, then they may understand the underlying issue and how passionate I am about the success of the team. Outside of my position with the cheerleading team I feel like I can put this strategy into action with my own life and my own personal feelings. “Letting go and turning toward your intense emotions, as opposed to tightening up and running away from them, is the first step in learning to control them.” I completely agree with this statement. I can picture myself in certain situations where I have run away from conflict because I thought it would be easier if I just left it alone. Now, I have learned that this may not be the best approach to resolving conflict because in all reality, the conflict is being resolved temporarily until something else triggers the left over emotions from the situation. Once I learn how to control my emotions in certain situations, I can better approach the conflict and my emotions will be expressed as they should.

Strategy Four: Search Beneath the Surface for Hidden Meaning

On page 119, the books states that "Yet the center and core of our conflicts, what they really mean to us, are far more profound and important than the relatively superficial issues we are passionately arguing and debating over."

As I was reading these words they really clicked with my thinking. Usually when people are in conflict or something happens that they dont agree with, they are quick to respond and assume. Personally, I act fast and I speak before thinking sometimes. This could hinder my ability to resolve conflict effectively. The book says it straightforward that we are too focused on something that does not necessarily reflect the big idea that is hidden underneath the surface. We have to look below the surface to find the underlying issue that is responsible for the conflict. Doing so, we can figure out what essentially cause the conflict to occur, and we can better figure out how to deal with the situation and resolve the conflict. If we do not sure below the surface, we could cause more pain to the situation than is needed, and the conflict will keep reoccuirng.

Strategy 5: Separate What Matters from What Gets in the Way

I really enjoyed reading about separating elements in conflict to encourage resolution. Often times when we are in conflict, we are too focused on what is happening instead of thinking rationally about the situation at hand and how to best come to a positive conclusion. The book states that "simply creating distinctions or separations between any of the elements in your conflict can produce a significant shift in your ability to approach them constructively." I never really thought about resolving conflict in these terms. Each situation is different from the next and should be handled accordingly. Some of the separations I liked reading about were separating positions from interests, people from problems, and emotion from negotiation. In these three separations I was able to relate closely to them to better understand the strategies. When separating positions from interests you make it possible to satisfy people based on their needs, wants, desires, and feelings. When separating people from problems you are able to focus on the issues that are at hand instead of the conflict with the person in which you are dealing with. When you separate emotions from negotiations you are able to identify the emotional obstacles in your conflict, express them consturctively, and negotiate nonemotionally.

Strategy 6

I really enjoyed the section on "why people engage in difficult behaviors."  This is something that you see when you are working in the class room.  I think that I usually try to ask the student, in a round about way, why the student is behaving in the manner that they are.  In some situations I have pulled the kids out of the class and talked to them on a one on one basis.  It seems to work, when they feel like they are cared about and that I am truly interested in their well being then they respond and the difficult behavior seems to stop.

Getting to Yes 6-8

The section on "bottom lines" I found to be quite interesting. Discussing the pros and cons to setting a bottom line was eye-opening. Pros are making sure that you receive what you want from an agreement or a contract and it makes it easier to resist pressure or temptations of the moment. Some cons of setting a bottom line is it makes you closed minded towards changes (that may actually benefit you in the short or long runs) and imagination. Also, according to the book, bottom lines are usually set too high and remain too rigid. Bottom lines may protect you from making a bad or rash decision, but it will also limit inventive and creative solutions to the agreement. The "best of both worlds" solution to only having a bottom line, is to have a BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) connected to it. This knowledge was nice to have in writing because I had normally done this, but seeing it in writing makes it easier to describe and teach to others.

Strategy 8

On page 284, the book states, "Moreover, sometimes what seems to be a success turns out to be a failure, and vice versa. For example, you may succeed in coercing your opponent to accept your proposal and undermine your long-term relationship, or you may settle a superficial issue and provoke a deeper conflict a deeper conflict that is much worse. Or you may fail to resolve a conflict and later discover a better solution, rebuild trust, or learn an important lesson as a result."

Keeping this in mind could prove to be crucial. Success and failure are not only subjective, but also subject to change. Just because something is initially viewed by you as a success, does not mean that it will stay that way. Short term success does not always equate to long term success. Conflict resolution is not about cutting corners, it's about hard work and making the tough decisions. The chapter goes on to talk about options to pursue if one-on-one conflict resolution reaches an impasse. This is important to view not as a failure, but just an impasse in the process and to understand that this is not abnormal and there are other options, such as mediation, that can assist in resolving the issue.

Strategy 7

On page 239 the book states, "To end your conflict, you will need to shift gears and start calculating logically and practically. You will need to decide what you actually need and can realistically get and move from focusing on the problem to focusing on the solution."

This is key when committing to solving a problem. Looking out for what's best for you, but also what is realistic is vital. Continuing to take and not focusing on finding a solution will only lead to more problems. This goes for both sides in the conflict, not just the plaintiff or the defendant. In order to reach this portion of conflict resolution, both sides also need to have full understanding the conflict and be finished processing it emotionally. Notice that it allows those involved to have emotions and process the conflict emotionally, but in order for the resolution to take place, the emotions need to finish processing.

Strategy 6

On page 201 it states, "It is precisely 'the person is the problem' as a way of thinking that is responsible for producing malicious, revengeful, inhuman, murderous, and genocidal solutions to our conflicts, all of which are rationalized by labeling the problem as personal, inborn, and unchangeable."

A bit earlier, the book states that it is this viewpoint that shifts "our attention away from what the other person did to who they are." This is the root of a lot of conflict in the workplace. Someone makes a tough decision and someone else gets hurt from it. They then begin to blame the person, not the decision and this can lead to a giant intracompany conflict.  I will use this knowledge as a reminder to myself to not only look at things in context, but also to separate the issue from the person.

Putting Video into your Blog

The best way to get a video into your blog is to first save it to You Tube. Here are the instructions for what to do after you have made your video and saved it to your hard drive:
You Tube - Sign up for a You Tube account. On your You Tube page, click Upload. Browse for your video and click to upload it. It may take a few minutes. When it has uploaded you can decide the level of privacy you want. If you only want to share it to your blog or our class blog, click “Private.” At the bottom of that page will be the "sharing options" that you need for putting the video into a blog. You will need either the URL or the "code."

3 Ways to Add Video to Blog -
 

1.       URL – copy the URL. Open your blog and click “Add a Gadget” wherever you want it to be on the blog.  Open the Link List gadget, name your video, insert the URL, and click Save. (This way works well. You can also add your video to the Weblinks on WebCT the same way.)

2.       To embed your vide into the blog, first copy the code below the URL for the video you have created on You Tube.  On your blog, click “Add a Gadget,” select HTML/JavaScript, give your video a title, then paste the code into the Content box. Save. (This way doesn't seem to work as well).

3.        You can put your video into a post on your blog or blogs in which you are an author. Click New Post. When the box opens, click on the icon that says “insert a video.”  Paste the URL of your video into the Browse box and click Publish. (This way also works well.)

Strategies 6-8

Strategy 6
• Techniques for working with difficult behaviors. 1. Take responsibility for your own attitudes and behaviors, including those that trigger difficult behaviors of others. 2. Listen to what they are saying and observe what they are doing empathetically, in an effort to understand what may be taking place beneath the surface of their behavior. 3. Communicate honestly to them that what they are doing is difficult for you to handle and suggest and alternative. By taking these steps I will improve my character, skills, communications, and relationships.
Strategy 7
• The five steps in creative problem solving are to first admit you have a problem and decide to solve it. Next, collaboratively define and clarify the problem. Afterwards, jointly analyze, categorize, and prioritize the problem. Then, invent solutions that satisfy everyone’s interests. Finally, jointly act, evaluate results, acknowledge efforts, and celebrate successes.
Strategy 8
• Winston Churchill, in the midst of war, famously defined success as “proceeding from failure to failure with undiminished enthusiasm.”

Getting to Yes 1-8

Chapter 1
• Arguing over positions produces unwise agreements. The more you clarify your position and defend it against attack, the more committed you become to it. The more you try to convince the other side of the impossibility of changing your opening position, the more difficult it becomes to do so. When arguing from now own I will not try to defend my position and clarify it as much. This way if I need to change my position I can easily do so.
Chapter 2
• A basic fact about negotiation, easy to forget in corporate and international transactions, is that you are dealing not with abstract representatives of the “other side,” but with human beings. They have emotions, deeply held values and different backgrounds and viewpoints; and they are unpredictable. So are you. This is something that I especially need to remember because I forget all the time that other people also have feelings. I am not the only one that has feelings in the whole entire world like I would like to think sometimes. From now own when arguing or negotiating, I will remember the other person’s feelings and try to take them into consideration before I speak.
Chapter 3
• The purpose of negotiating is to serve your interests, therefore, make your interests come alive. Acknowledge their interests as part of the problem. Be concrete, but be flexible at the same time. Try to be hard on the problem, but soft on the people. If all of these things are done then your interests will get served as well as their interests.
Chapter 4
• The Circle Chart. Step I-What’s wrong? What are current symptoms? What are disliked facts contrasted with a preferred situation? Step II- Diagnose the problem: sort symptoms into categories. Suggest causes. Observe what is lacking. Note barriers to resolving the problem. Step III- What are possible strategies or prescriptions? What are some theoretical cures? Generate broad ideas about what might be done. Step IV- What might be done? What specific steps might be taken to deal with the problem? This chart is an easy way to get good ideas to solve problems.
Chapter 5
• To discuss the objective criteria with the other said there are three points to remember:
1. Frame each issue as a joint search for objective criteria.
2. Reason and be open to reason as to which standards are most appropriate and how they should be applied.
3. Never yield to pressure, only to principle.
I need to focus on the objective criteria, but be flexible when doing so.
Chapter 6
• If you have not thought carefully about what you will do if you fail to reach an agreement, you are negotiating with your eyes closed. We do not want to do anything with our eyes closed; therefore, it is important to think about what you would do if you do not reach an agreement in the negotiation.
Chapter 7
• Refuse to react so that the vicious cycle of attack. Instead of reacting sidestep their attack and deflect it against the problem. This is like the UFC of negotiation. On UFC they use a lot of jujitsu!
Chapter 8
• There are three steps in negotiating the rules of the negotiating game where the other side seems to be using a tricky tactic: recognize the tactic, raise the issue explicitly, and question the tactic’s legitimacy and desirability. Negotiate over it.

Strategy Three

Strategy Three

I have to agree with this section, and how it states “most people experience their most intense emotions during conflict and perceive the intense emotions of their opponents as exclusively negative.”  One thing that I do teach in my class is something called I POSSES and this is where they learn about emotional intelligence.  The way it is taught in here is:

I – Interpersonal Skills

P- Persistence

O – Optimism

S – Self – Awareness

S- Self – Control

E – Empathy

S – Social Skills

S – Self – Motivation

I do realize that these are a little bit different then what is talked about in the book, however it is the same concept, but put in a form that junior high kids can remember.

Strategy One and Two

Strategy One

The change the culture and context of conflict chapter caused me to really think of leading situations that I observe.  I feel that if I am the leader of the building I would want to implement the items that are listed on page 6.  I would want a building where the level of conflict would be reduced by creating a level of open communication and trust.  I think that if at the beginning of the year if I have my staff to agree upon our vision, mission, goals and values, then the likelihood of conflict to escalate would be less.  As the leader of the build I would model acceptable behavior, such as engaging in dialogue and collaborate and get to a common ground.

Strategy Two

In the chapter, listen actively, empathetically, and responsively the author mentions to conduct a conflict audit.  I would never have considered conducting an audit over conflict, but when you stop and consider how much time is actually lost when there is conflict in a building, time being constructive work time, it would be worth it.  The audit in a sense could cut down on the amount of gossip and grapevine activity that is taking place within the building.

Clearing the decks for listening is something that I know that I need to work on in my classroom and in my life.  I know at times when the kids are working on a project and I am working on something at my desk, and I have a kid that would like to come up to my desk and tell me a story I need to do just what the this section talks about.  If I can just learn to clear my decks for listening and take that few minutes to listen to the story that they have to tell, then this will help me build better relationships with my student.  Sometimes all they need is just that little bit of attention to make them feel that they are valued, and that is something that I need to remember.

Strategies: One and Two

Strategy One: Change the Culture and Context of Conflict

The idea of responding to conflict with collaboration really interested me. In the book it stated that responding with collaboration produces the best and most satisfying results. Usually when conflict arises, people tend to portray behaviors of avoidance, accomodation, aggression, compromise, and collaboration. Out of the five behaviors, personally I can relate to all of them. I like how the book describes collaborting in conflict. " It is far more difficult to collaborate during conflict because it takes strength to become vulnerable...it is the most effective way of ending your conflict completely and starting on a path to transformation."
I related this idea of collaboration to my role as the coach of my cheerleading team. Conflict arises almost weekly with the cheerleaders. Being the leader of the team, I need to be versatile and respectful of the wishes and concerns of the team. When conflict does occur, if I could present to the team how to work together collaboratively to find the most satisfying resolution, then conflicts would be easier to work with. Relaying the message that conflict can be a positive experience may shock some of the cheerleaders on the team that have a negative outlook. If I can positively focus on fully resolving an issue at hand instead of making an accomodation for a temporary solution, then I think the team will learn how to collaborate during conflict resolutions.

Strategy Two: Listen Actively, Empathetically, and Responsively

"Committed listening is a reflection of the openness of our hearts and minds, our willingness to act on what we hear, and our integrity in the face of answers we do not like."

One thing I am a victim of is not listening to what is important to the speaker. I often catch myself listening for only what I want to hear and thinking about what I will be commenting on. In my opinion, I think that I am being very disrespectful when I do this, so I try to focus on what the speaker is saying, and by that time the speaker is looking to me for a response. I get side tracked very easily and therefore I miss the most important message the speaker is trying to get across. Knowing this about myself, the committed listener section in strategy two engaged me. "Effective leadership is always a result of committed listening." This is important to me because I am currently in a leadership role. I need to learn how to listen effectively to the speaker in front of me. I need to listen to not only what is being said, but also to the underlying intention of the message presented.

Getting to Yes - pp. 1-94

Post an idea or thought about what you are learning in Getting to Yes in the comments for this post.

Strategy 5 - Separate What Matters from What Gets in the Way

If you have not already posted a thought about strategy 5, you can add to the comments on this post.

Strategy 4 - Search Beneath the Surface for Hidden Meaning

If you have not already posted your thoughts on Strategy 4 (either on this blog or your own), you can add them here as comments.

Strategy 3 - Integrate Emotions to Solve Problems

If you have not already posted your thoughts about Strategy 3 (either on this blog or your own), you can add them to this post as a comment.

Strategy 2 - Active Listening

If you have not already posted your a thought regarding Strategy 2 - Listen Actively, Empatheticall, and Responsively, you can add it to this post as a comment.

Strategy 5

I recently viewed a talk that Jamie Hyneman (Mythbusters) gave about problem solving. He spoke extensively of defining the problem. When the book speaks of separating criteria from selection, it is almost as if this is what they are refering to. If we can agree on what we want to accomplish, we have defined the problem. If we agree on what we are trying to resolve, we have defined the problem. Just like solving an engineering or physics problem, we must define what we are looking for, that way, we will know we have found a solution when we find a solution.

Strategy Four

I really like the Iceberg of Conflict.  It can help me when I am arguing with my husband because I have the questions to focus on instead of pondering on the argument.  I can also see how management of any employee could use it.  It would definitely bring the morale up and keep conflict at a minimum.  I think this entire book would make a great seminar! 

Strategy 4

On page 120, the book states "For example, few of us take the time before responding to accusations or criticisms to understand the emotions and experiences that must have fueled them or to search beneath their surface for what our opponent must have actually meant."

Many of use, myself included, can be prone to those kind of reactions. When faced with an accusation or a criticism our first reaction is to jump on the defensive when in reality our initial reaction should be to search for the real reason for the accusation or why it is being brought to our attention. The majority of the time, by reacting in this correct manner, it will save a lot of time and energy wasted on unnecessary conflict and promote more effective work and personal conduct.

Strategy 5

On page 156 the book states, "Rather than claim our experience to be The Truth, we need to understand that our experience, while certainly true for us, is not necessarily true for anyone else, especially for our opponents." It then goes on to state, "In this way, nonmathematical truths are rarely absolute and invariant, but relative and able to change with small shifts or relations in the personal frame of reference of the observer and their relationship to what they are observing."

This spoke to me because nearly everytime conflict arises, both sides view themselves as being "the truth," and if, during conflict, we adopted the above viewpoint, it would lead to much more civilized handling of the matter. I know that I personally have fallen victim to the mentality that "I am right, therefore, you are wrong" and most of the time both people are right due to their own personal experiences. I am hoping that armed with the above quotes and the knowledge provided from the book that I can cease to use that mentality and approach conflict from a  more open-minded frame of reference.

Strategy 2

It is almost as if the book is a mirror when it comes to communication. I find myself noticing my own faults as a communicator when reading the book. Active listening seems to reflect my own issues in listening. I find myself waiting to speak rather than truly listening as I should. As troubling as it is to see my own flaws, it is helpful in that I notice when I'm "waiting to speak." Thus, I correct my flaw and focus more on listening. It amazing what you hear when you truly listen!

Strategy Three

On p. 79, it reads, "We all pay a heavy emotional price for unresolved conflict."  That statement is so true.  From working as a medical transcriptionist in the past, I've read about many patients will illnesses that stemmed from stress. 

On a personal note, when I worry about unresolved conflict, my hair falls out in patches.  So, I am learning to relax and turn toward.  I used to ignore people that made me angry or hurt my feelings but now I deal with it by talking it out.  I can feel the difference from getting it out in the opening. 

Strategy Two

I love the section on Ways of Listening.  I didn't know there were so many, but they all make sense.  When I take a few minutes out of my busy schedule to hear the gibberish of my kindergarteners, they light up like a light bulb, which is being a committed listener. 

Strategy One

On p. 8, it reads, "No matter what insult a person chooses, there is a positive way of saying the same thing."  When I hear that statement, it speaks a level of maturity to me.  I am able to transfer a lot of negativity to positive thoughts or words, but not everything.  So I really need to digest this chapter. 

Strategy 5

The author says, when we vent destructively or dump our emotions onto others, we escalate our conflicts and become unable to identify or stick to our real priorities.  We fail to see the forest for the trees and have difficulty remembering what is truly important.  We tend to behave destructively, rapidly reach impasse, and assume it is impossible to solve our problems.

I have seen this reaction in myself and others.  When I calmly think about the situation and process it internally I always make a better decision.  When I vent to others they seem to add their issues to the problem and it escalates. 

Strategy 4

The author says, We rarely take time to search out or excavate these deeper truths in our conflicts, mostly because our attention is concentrated on the mistakes and misdeeds of our opponents or on our own victimization and emotional upheaval.  Yet the center and core of our conflicts, what they really mean to us, are far more profound and important than the relatively superficial issues we are passionately arguing and debating over.  In conflict resolution, the deeper we look, the more there is we can discover.

This statement above is profound it should make leaders think about how they treat others.  Great teachers should experience searching deeper into the lives of students daily.    We know that many of the problems that arise at school really stem from what has happened at the student home.  Since I am a teacher in an area with predominantly African American and Hispanic students I am always searching for the real cause of the misbehavior.  So when I reach a leadership position I will continue with the strategies listed in this chapter.

Strategy 3

·         Recognize that the expressing intense emotions can be constructive or destructive, pleasurable or painful, positive or negative. 

When I read this chapter I thought about the emotions many teachers have when speaking with the principal.  How they feel when discussing their PDAS, students with behavior problems, and asking for time off.  Being able to recognize their emotions and defuse the negative emotions will help me to become a great principal.   

Strategy 2

·         Effective Communication for Listeners: Let go of your own ideas, roles, and agendas and try to understand what the other person is saying; Search behind the words for the other person’s meaning, especially if he or she disagrees with you; Respond respectfully and nondefensively, acknowledging and addressing the other person’s concerns first.

I must work on this strategy because my dad drilled; scan your surroundings at all time.  Therefore, I have a hard time looking at the person I'm talking to the entire time.  I am always scanning my surrounding so no one will catch me off my guard. 

Strategy 1

Cultures of conflict are shaped in and by our experiences.  Experience shape our capacity to ask questions, alter how we see our opponents and ourselves, what is acceptable and not.

When I read this statement my mind jumped to the past.  My mind played a conversation that my ex-best friend and I had over and over again.   I came to the conclusion that the statement listed above is true.  October the 5th was her birthday but I couldn't bring myself to call her because of the past conversation that ended our friendship.  Therefore, that conversation shaped my opinion that our friendship would be over forever. 

Strategy 4

It states in the book that each deeper layer of the iceberg of conflict represents something that does not appear on its surface, yet adds weight immobility, and hidden meaning to our arguments when we are in conflict.The author then goes on to say that when we go deep enough and do not become stuck on the surface, we can experience genuine empathy and awareness of our interconnection with the other person, even the one who is upsetting us. I understand this because when I am in a conflict with someone, if I have said something hurtful, I start to think well, "what if that person had said that to me? how would I feel?" I really do think that we can all connect with each and every person on some level even the ones we are having a conflict with. If we look past the conflict and dig deeper we will all realize that we are all human beings with real feelings, and we do have common feelings. We are all connected.

Strategy 3

I thought it was interesting to learn that stress really does help play a part in people contracting diseases. I am glad to have learned the by relaxing and letting go of our fear of expressing emotions, we increase our opportunities for learning,problem solving,resolution, transformation, and healing.

Strategy 2

As I was reading strategy 2 and I came to the phrases for miscommunication, I thought to myself, "Wow, I say over half of these things to my husband on a daily basis." I then started thinking that it is very important to not talk to people in these ways because often times, people may think that you are prying or ordering them around. My favorite miscommunication phrase that I am famous for using is the interfering one. I have made myself a promise to stop using these phrases and to try to find other ways of putting my ideas in a more understanding, helping manner.

Strategy 1 Change the Culture and Context of Conflict

I'm fascinated with the idea of looking at conflict as opportunity. If we do look at conflict as opportunity, it definitely will have the effect of solving problems for good and help us develop better relationships with our coworkers. I think that often we do use the metaphors and language of war to describe our conflicts. It has never occurred to me that changing this language would turn conflict into productive discussion.

New Blog Address

Hey everyone,

I made a new Blog page for my vision. Check it out here.

Crisis Communications videos

Interesting videos on crisis communication:

Crisis Communications Failures - from 911

BP Oil Spill and their PR effort to Beat The Press - Mistakes made

The Alyona Show - BPs PR Epic Fail - In-depth description of mistakes made

Crisis Management | Got Bad News? Spit it Out! - the benefit of being honest

Cool Video Site

Here is a site a came across while looking for some good science video. There is a lot of content that is of interest to the educator. http://fora.tv/

Communication video

Here is the segment I posted to to my blog. This is from the PBS special Frontline: Digital Nation.

Authors

I have made everyone an author in this blog so you can now post your future of communications videos here. Danielle's link is Future of Communication. See you Tuesday.

Blog information and Videos

I realize now that I am the only author of the blog so you can't post things such as videos. (I'm still learning). I'll try to find a way around it. We may have to share through WebCT.

Important Notice - Please read

I failed to tell you about TK20 during our class period last week, so please read this carefully.

• TK20 is the program WCOE uses for assessment purposes, and everyone needs to get access to the program if you have not already done so. (If you have already activated your account during another semester and have a password, you do not need to do it again.)
• Starting Wednesday, Sept. 1, there will be a one-time $100 fee for access to TK20 -- so you have until Sept. 4 to activate you account without a fee.
• The assessments for this course (speech and brochure) are targeted for the Educational Leadership program and it is probable that only EDLE students will be required to upload their assessments to TK20. HOWEVER, just in case someone decides that we need those assessments for everyone taking our courses, it would be in your best interest to activate your account now.
• Go to https://mwsu.tk20.com/campustoolshighered/start.do and follow the directions indicated in the lower left hand corner.

Calendar - Fall 2010