Strategies: Three, Four, and Five

Strategy Three: Acknowledge and Integrate Emotions to Solve Problems

Personally, I enjoyed reading the section about Managing Intense Emotions. I am the type of person that carries my emotions on my shoulders and sometimes my emotions get the best of me. Emotions can be portrayed as positive or negative and I truly believe this to be so. In strategy three, the book states that “Simply expressing emotions without altering the way they are expressed just reinforces and strengthens them.” Being the cheerleading coach, I was told that I needed to be careful with how I relayed messages to the team about their performance and skill levels. But after reading this section, I feel strongly that I should not hold anything back from my emotions and that I should openly and honestly express them when an issue arises. If I could truly express my emotions to the team, then they may understand the underlying issue and how passionate I am about the success of the team. Outside of my position with the cheerleading team I feel like I can put this strategy into action with my own life and my own personal feelings. “Letting go and turning toward your intense emotions, as opposed to tightening up and running away from them, is the first step in learning to control them.” I completely agree with this statement. I can picture myself in certain situations where I have run away from conflict because I thought it would be easier if I just left it alone. Now, I have learned that this may not be the best approach to resolving conflict because in all reality, the conflict is being resolved temporarily until something else triggers the left over emotions from the situation. Once I learn how to control my emotions in certain situations, I can better approach the conflict and my emotions will be expressed as they should.

Strategy Four: Search Beneath the Surface for Hidden Meaning

On page 119, the books states that "Yet the center and core of our conflicts, what they really mean to us, are far more profound and important than the relatively superficial issues we are passionately arguing and debating over."

As I was reading these words they really clicked with my thinking. Usually when people are in conflict or something happens that they dont agree with, they are quick to respond and assume. Personally, I act fast and I speak before thinking sometimes. This could hinder my ability to resolve conflict effectively. The book says it straightforward that we are too focused on something that does not necessarily reflect the big idea that is hidden underneath the surface. We have to look below the surface to find the underlying issue that is responsible for the conflict. Doing so, we can figure out what essentially cause the conflict to occur, and we can better figure out how to deal with the situation and resolve the conflict. If we do not sure below the surface, we could cause more pain to the situation than is needed, and the conflict will keep reoccuirng.

Strategy 5: Separate What Matters from What Gets in the Way

I really enjoyed reading about separating elements in conflict to encourage resolution. Often times when we are in conflict, we are too focused on what is happening instead of thinking rationally about the situation at hand and how to best come to a positive conclusion. The book states that "simply creating distinctions or separations between any of the elements in your conflict can produce a significant shift in your ability to approach them constructively." I never really thought about resolving conflict in these terms. Each situation is different from the next and should be handled accordingly. Some of the separations I liked reading about were separating positions from interests, people from problems, and emotion from negotiation. In these three separations I was able to relate closely to them to better understand the strategies. When separating positions from interests you make it possible to satisfy people based on their needs, wants, desires, and feelings. When separating people from problems you are able to focus on the issues that are at hand instead of the conflict with the person in which you are dealing with. When you separate emotions from negotiations you are able to identify the emotional obstacles in your conflict, express them consturctively, and negotiate nonemotionally.