Resolving Conflicts 6

"Stop rewarding and learn from difficult behaviors."

This chapter begins by explaining that defining the problem is the problem. I can't agree more. Once a problem is defined, the problem is half solved. This is very much analogous to working physics problems. Many physicists have quotes about defining problems. I watch as my physics students set up a problem incorrectly only to come up with an incorrect solution. How many times do we argue with a loved one only to find we've forgotten what we are arguing about? Clearly defining the problem and maintaining focus on that problem is the only way to come to an effective solution.

Chapter six also reiterates the concept of separating the people from the problem. It tells us to look at the difficult behaviors of people rather than at the people as being difficult themselves. This is an excellent tactic to help reframe your perspective, that you might be able to negotiate in a more critical and effective manner. I really like the section that elaborates on strategies for dealing with the difficult behaviors. Just like in teaching, we are often told to deal with the behavior, not the person, but are not given strategies for dealing with the person. This section gives us those valuable strategies.