Strategy Six

The author states, "there are three main ways of defining the problem of your conflicted relationship with your opponent.  These consist of identifying the problem as a difficult person, a difficult personality, or as a difficult behavior." 
Difficult person:  I have learned that when conflicts occur the only person I can change is myself.  I must not focus on the difficult person actions, views, or comments.  I must focus on what I may have said and agree to speak more respectfully to the other person in the future. 
Difficult personality:  I have learned that sometimes the behavior is a coping mechanism and may merely be a diversion to draw attention away from the facts. 
Difficult behavior:  I have learned that many of our behaviors begin when we were a child because we were either deprived or received too much. 
When I become a principal, I will have conflicts with people who possess these qualities.  The three top techniques that I will use are:  Accept other people and their ideas (focus on their behavior and why it bothers me), Do not try to change their behavior (discuss the issues as "its"), Be willing to collaborate (take responsibility for my actions).  This chapter has really helped me to become a better listener and focus on the issue not the person.