Thursday, December 9, 2010
:)
I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday season! I had a wonderful time getting to know each of you and I wish you all the best of luck in the future! Thank you Dr. Burger for being such an amazing professor! :)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Getting to Yes...
My interests are...
I - - THE PROBLEM:
Don't Bargain Over Positions
Page 4 - - Any method of negotiation may be judged by three criteria: 1. Produce a wise agreement, if possible. 2. Be efficient. 3. Improve or not damage the relationship between the parties.
II - - THE METHOD:
Separate the People from the Problem
Page 21 - - The parties need to be committed and psychologically prepared to solve problems. Base the relationship on accurate perceptions, clear communication, appropriate emotions, and a foward-looking, purposive outlook.
Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Pages 40, 41, and 48 - - Interests define the problem. Desires and concerns are interests. The most powerful interests are basic human needs such as security, economic well-being, a sense of belonging, recognition and control over one's life. If the basic needs are met on both sides, the chances of reaching an agreement increases.
Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Page 57 - - Four obstacles that inhibit the invention of options: 1. premature judgment; 2. searching for a single answer; 3. the assumption of a fixed pie; and 4. thinking that "solving their problem is their problem."
Page 60 - - Four steps to take to invent options for mutual gain: 1. separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them; 2. broaden the options on the table instead of looking for a single answer; 3. search for mutual gains; and 4. invent ways of making their decisions easy.
Page 68 - - The Circle Chart for inventing options: 1. Define the problem; 2. Analyze the problem; 3. Strategies or approaches to fix the problem; and 4. Take action, fix the problems.
Insist on Using Objective Criteria
Page 88 - - Three points to remember when discussing objectives with the other side: 1. Frame each issue as a joint search for objective criteria; 2. Reason and be open to reason as to which standards are most appropriate and how they should be applied; and 3. Never yield to pressure, only to principle.
On a personal note, this book could be used in place of hiring an attorney for some conflicts. If the conflicting parties remain civil towards each other, respond respectfully, and negotiate in a fair manner; then each member could walk away happy or at least, content.
I - - THE PROBLEM:
Don't Bargain Over Positions
Page 4 - - Any method of negotiation may be judged by three criteria: 1. Produce a wise agreement, if possible. 2. Be efficient. 3. Improve or not damage the relationship between the parties.
II - - THE METHOD:
Separate the People from the Problem
Page 21 - - The parties need to be committed and psychologically prepared to solve problems. Base the relationship on accurate perceptions, clear communication, appropriate emotions, and a foward-looking, purposive outlook.
Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Pages 40, 41, and 48 - - Interests define the problem. Desires and concerns are interests. The most powerful interests are basic human needs such as security, economic well-being, a sense of belonging, recognition and control over one's life. If the basic needs are met on both sides, the chances of reaching an agreement increases.
Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Page 57 - - Four obstacles that inhibit the invention of options: 1. premature judgment; 2. searching for a single answer; 3. the assumption of a fixed pie; and 4. thinking that "solving their problem is their problem."
Page 60 - - Four steps to take to invent options for mutual gain: 1. separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them; 2. broaden the options on the table instead of looking for a single answer; 3. search for mutual gains; and 4. invent ways of making their decisions easy.
Page 68 - - The Circle Chart for inventing options: 1. Define the problem; 2. Analyze the problem; 3. Strategies or approaches to fix the problem; and 4. Take action, fix the problems.
Insist on Using Objective Criteria
Page 88 - - Three points to remember when discussing objectives with the other side: 1. Frame each issue as a joint search for objective criteria; 2. Reason and be open to reason as to which standards are most appropriate and how they should be applied; and 3. Never yield to pressure, only to principle.
On a personal note, this book could be used in place of hiring an attorney for some conflicts. If the conflicting parties remain civil towards each other, respond respectfully, and negotiate in a fair manner; then each member could walk away happy or at least, content.
Personal Knowledge Base
Getting To Yes
· Part I: The Problem
The biggest thing that stood out to me in this first section was that “Arguing over positions is inefficient.” Everyone has their own position, on everything. It is likely not going to be changed easily. Our positions that we have are ingrained in our personal experiences and how we were raised. While in the workplace, this piece of advice is vital to remember. We all have a job to do, and we should all have the same common goal in mind. Just because someone has a different path to reaching that goal, does not mean the path is wrong.
· Part II: The Method
The thing that I want to remember most from this section is to “separate the people from the problem.” This is often very difficult to remember. I know that I often struggle with this in the workplace. Just because someone is being difficult or has a different opinion, it does not mean that the person is difficult or the problem. It means that their behavior may be causing a problem, but the person is not the problem.
· Part III: Yes, Bu…
I felt the most important piece in this section was on “how do you negotiate about the rules of the game?” Many times in negotiating, people use dirty tricks in order to get what they want. This is not desirable or fair. This section of the chapter will be very helpful when this occurs. I like that it wants you to raise the issue, and negotiate about it. I appreciate that it does not want you to back down from the problem at hand. If you want to succeed in your career, you can’t be pushed around. You must be willing to stand up for yourself.
Resolving Conflicts at Work
· Strategy 1:
Our culture of conflict is based on our past experiences, just like the positions we hold onto so passionately. Every society is different in how they view conflict and how to deal with it. I think this simple statement is so important to remember in the workplace. We are not going to be working with the same exact type of person we are. There would never be any growth or fresh ideas if that were the case. We will be surrounded by people of different races, from different towns, different religions, etc. So it is so important to remember to fight fair, remember that the way you deal with conflict may be highly offensive to another person.
· Strategy 2:
I think that active listening is important in every aspect of life, not only when dealing with conflict. However, I think that it is also the hardest time to remember to actively listen. We get so caught up in arguing our side of the conflict and wanting to win the argument or conflict. We tend to only focus on what to say next, instead of actually listening while the other party is speaking.
· Strategy 3:
I agree that it is important to acknowledge emotions during conflict. But I think that it should be done in a fair and respectful manner. I think it is important to use “I-words”. Don’t just attack the other person involved and put the blame on them. The conflict resolution will happen much quicker if you stay calm, and let the other person know how you feel when he/she has a particular behavior.
· Strategy 4:
I felt the most important thing to remember from this strategy is the “Iceberg of Conflict.” The chart makes the idea very easy to remember. It clearly points out that during conflict there are underlying issues. Often times some of those issues are from the past conflicts that were never resolved. This would be a good diagram to make a copy of and keep for future reference. It would be useful in the workplace.
· Strategy 5:
This is a very difficult lesson to learn. I think that in conflict it is very easy to focus on things that do not really matter, such as personality traits. This only gets in the way of resolving the conflict. We must focus on the conflict at hand, and work together to resolve it. Leave the petty stuff out of it.
· Strategy 6:
I think that at times it is easier for the boss to just look past the difficult behavior than deal with it. For example, if a person constantly comes into work late, then works hard the entire shift, and often times leaves late; this can cause problems with the other staff. It is not fair that the one staff member gets to create his own schedule. By the boss deciding to ignore the difficult behavior, the boss is basically rewarding the tardiness of the staff member. This cannot happen. We have to just step up, and deal with the difficult behavior. We have to learn from it and ultimately, stop rewarding it.
· Strategy 7:
I felt the thing I needed to remember most is to solve problems creatively. This will be the most effective way of conflict resolution. In my opinion, since every individual is different, why would all of the conflict resolutions be the same? What works for one group will likely not work for another. Tailor the resolution to the problem. It will have a longer lasting effect on the people involved in the conflict.
· Strategy 8:
I felt the thing that stood out to me in this section was to “explore resistance.” We all know that there is going to be resistance in problem solving. However, in order to prevent problems similar to this in the future; I think looking into the resistance of the negotiation is important. If we can better understand the position the other side is taking, I think that we could all work better together. The opponent has to have a valid reason for holding onto their position so strongly, look into finding out what it is.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Strategy Eight
What is Mediation? A third-person mediator who can assist in communicating and collaborating with both conflicting parties.
Why Mediation Works? Mediation stops people from arguing or decreases the argument. Mediation is successful because it allows both parties to be aware of the others needs and feelings in a real way and it brings people together instead of dividing them.
Reaching Closure... Closure is necessary, even if the conflict is still in existence. Page 308 reveals that stopping a conflict means to temporarily stop the fight; completion means to settle; and closure means ending the conflict. To truly come to a closure, the parties will need to go through three steps. First, be willing to acknowledge your role in the conflict. Second, be willing to recognize yourself and opponent as a human being. Third, forgive yourself and opponent.
Why Mediation Works? Mediation stops people from arguing or decreases the argument. Mediation is successful because it allows both parties to be aware of the others needs and feelings in a real way and it brings people together instead of dividing them.
Reaching Closure... Closure is necessary, even if the conflict is still in existence. Page 308 reveals that stopping a conflict means to temporarily stop the fight; completion means to settle; and closure means ending the conflict. To truly come to a closure, the parties will need to go through three steps. First, be willing to acknowledge your role in the conflict. Second, be willing to recognize yourself and opponent as a human being. Third, forgive yourself and opponent.
Strategy Seven
Conflict Resolution and Consensus Decision-Making:
There are six decision-making processes that individuals, teams, and organizations can choose from to solve problems.
1. Notification. (To give notice of a decision).
2. Consultation. (Like a second opinion).
3. Delegation. (You make decision and let me know what you decided).
4. Voting. (The majority vote wins).
5. Consensus. (Willing to "go with the flow").
6. Unanimity. (Need to be in 100% agreement).
The choices above can be used to resolve conflict resolution and their usage depends on the situation or conflict.
There are six decision-making processes that individuals, teams, and organizations can choose from to solve problems.
1. Notification. (To give notice of a decision).
2. Consultation. (Like a second opinion).
3. Delegation. (You make decision and let me know what you decided).
4. Voting. (The majority vote wins).
5. Consensus. (Willing to "go with the flow").
6. Unanimity. (Need to be in 100% agreement).
The choices above can be used to resolve conflict resolution and their usage depends on the situation or conflict.
Strategy Six
There are three ways of defining the conflict. 1. Identifying the problem as a difficult person. 2. identifying the problem as a difficult personality. 3. identifying the problem as a difficult behavior.
Number 1 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as problem people.
Number 2 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as having a difficult personality.
Number 3 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as having a difficult behavior.
Strategies for Changing Difficult Behaviors are surfacing the conflict, coaching, teamwork, process awareness, constructive feedback, problem-solving, shared responsibility, and support for change.
Number 1 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as problem people.
Number 2 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as having a difficult personality.
Number 3 refers to the person that we are in conflict with as having a difficult behavior.
Strategies for Changing Difficult Behaviors are surfacing the conflict, coaching, teamwork, process awareness, constructive feedback, problem-solving, shared responsibility, and support for change.
Strategy Five
This chapter deals with 10 separations and strategies that deal with conflicts. I want to highlight separate emotion from negotiation. We are emotional beings so when we suppress our emotions, they do not disappear, they only hide in our conscious. Then we are distracted and cannot find solutions to our problems because of our suppressed emotions. The main goals in emotional processing and conflict resolution are to express your emotions to your opponent and know that they are heard. Then emotional healing has begun and an agreement can be made. The questions listed on page 183 will help identify the emotional obstacles in the conflict.
Getting to Yes
Chapter 1: The Problem
When negotiating a contract never bargain over the position. When we do this it becomes personal and we are trying to prove a point. As an alternative you could use positional bargaining as a technique. The two types of positional bargaining is hard or soft which addresses the substance or deals with the substance.
Chapter 2: Separate the people from the problem
When you separate the person you are dealing with them as a human being. While dealing with the human being put yourself in their shoes and see their viewpoint. Now you are able to look at the problem objective and come up with other solutions.
Chapter 3: Focus on interests, not positions
Our interest are needs, desires, concerns, and fears. Interests motivates people; they are silent movers behind the positions. Your position is something you decided upon. Your interests are what caused you to decide.
Chapter 4: Invent Options for Mutual Gain
There are four major obstacles that inhibit the inventing of an abundance of options in negotiations: premature judgment, searching for the single answer, the assumption of a fixed pie, and thinking that solving their problem is their problem. To invent creative options we need to separate the inventing options from the act of judging them, to broaden the options on the table rather than look for a single answer, to search for mutual gains, and to invent ways of making decisions easy.
Chapter 5: Insist on using objective criteria
Negotiators usually resolve issues by stating what they will or will not accept. Try to reach a decision based on principle not pressure. Then try to be fair, efficiently, and insist on using an objective criteria. When using an objective criteria each standard becomes a lever you can use to persuade your opponent.
All of these negotiating techniques can be used with parents, teachers, students, and staff. My favorite is focusing on the interest not the problem. Today in staff development I read about a teacher in New York who wanted to make a change because one out of every ten students attended college. He started focusing on the interest not the problem. On the first day of school he shared an acceptance letter from a college with his 5th grade students. Soon his students became interested in college so he allowed them write to the admission office at Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. The admission office responded to each student and informed them of what would be required of them to attend a great university. The students were motivated to learn. The teacher sponsored a "Parent Learning Activity" monthly which included teaching the parents what he would teach the students for the upcoming month. The parents begin to see the important of an education and they pushed their children to learn. Each year his class has the highest Math and Reading scores in the 5th grade class. This teacher focused on the interest not the problem.
When negotiating a contract never bargain over the position. When we do this it becomes personal and we are trying to prove a point. As an alternative you could use positional bargaining as a technique. The two types of positional bargaining is hard or soft which addresses the substance or deals with the substance.
Chapter 2: Separate the people from the problem
When you separate the person you are dealing with them as a human being. While dealing with the human being put yourself in their shoes and see their viewpoint. Now you are able to look at the problem objective and come up with other solutions.
Chapter 3: Focus on interests, not positions
Our interest are needs, desires, concerns, and fears. Interests motivates people; they are silent movers behind the positions. Your position is something you decided upon. Your interests are what caused you to decide.
Chapter 4: Invent Options for Mutual Gain
There are four major obstacles that inhibit the inventing of an abundance of options in negotiations: premature judgment, searching for the single answer, the assumption of a fixed pie, and thinking that solving their problem is their problem. To invent creative options we need to separate the inventing options from the act of judging them, to broaden the options on the table rather than look for a single answer, to search for mutual gains, and to invent ways of making decisions easy.
Chapter 5: Insist on using objective criteria
Negotiators usually resolve issues by stating what they will or will not accept. Try to reach a decision based on principle not pressure. Then try to be fair, efficiently, and insist on using an objective criteria. When using an objective criteria each standard becomes a lever you can use to persuade your opponent.
All of these negotiating techniques can be used with parents, teachers, students, and staff. My favorite is focusing on the interest not the problem. Today in staff development I read about a teacher in New York who wanted to make a change because one out of every ten students attended college. He started focusing on the interest not the problem. On the first day of school he shared an acceptance letter from a college with his 5th grade students. Soon his students became interested in college so he allowed them write to the admission office at Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. The admission office responded to each student and informed them of what would be required of them to attend a great university. The students were motivated to learn. The teacher sponsored a "Parent Learning Activity" monthly which included teaching the parents what he would teach the students for the upcoming month. The parents begin to see the important of an education and they pushed their children to learn. Each year his class has the highest Math and Reading scores in the 5th grade class. This teacher focused on the interest not the problem.
Strategy Eight
Explore Resistance:
Resistance are sometimes caused by unresolved issues in the relationship, or control, or humiliate the other, or trying to fix blame. When conflicts can not be solved a mediator is sometimes required. A mediator is an unbiased third-party individual who can assist you and your opponent in communicating your ideas and feelings to each other. Mediators are used to help solve the problems so they do not occur again. Mediators can be used in workplaces, community disputes, and divorces. We use them because they are unbias so they help each party in the dispute communicate what they want. They are usually cheaper than an attorney. I believe in education the mediator is sometimes the principal when dealing with a teacher and an angry parent. In order to reach closure you must be willing to recognized your own role in the conflict, recognized your opponent as a human being, and you need to forgive your opponent and yourself.
Resistance are sometimes caused by unresolved issues in the relationship, or control, or humiliate the other, or trying to fix blame. When conflicts can not be solved a mediator is sometimes required. A mediator is an unbiased third-party individual who can assist you and your opponent in communicating your ideas and feelings to each other. Mediators are used to help solve the problems so they do not occur again. Mediators can be used in workplaces, community disputes, and divorces. We use them because they are unbias so they help each party in the dispute communicate what they want. They are usually cheaper than an attorney. I believe in education the mediator is sometimes the principal when dealing with a teacher and an angry parent. In order to reach closure you must be willing to recognized your own role in the conflict, recognized your opponent as a human being, and you need to forgive your opponent and yourself.
Strategy Seven
Solving Problems:
The authors talked about the three shifts of problem solving. Shift one is adopting a positive attitude. I believe when you are faced with a great decision having a positive attitude will help you solve the problem faster. Shift two is a collaborative process. I enjoy collaborating with others because many times others may see an option that you didn't see. Shift three is solve the problem of how to solve problems. The author used Albert Einstein quote, "our problems cannot be solved with the same level of thinking that created them." Then, the author went on to say we can't look at the problem as an enemy but as an opportunity for learning. When we create a shift in our attitude toward the problem we grow. We are able to learn how to never go through this again.
The authors talked about the three shifts of problem solving. Shift one is adopting a positive attitude. I believe when you are faced with a great decision having a positive attitude will help you solve the problem faster. Shift two is a collaborative process. I enjoy collaborating with others because many times others may see an option that you didn't see. Shift three is solve the problem of how to solve problems. The author used Albert Einstein quote, "our problems cannot be solved with the same level of thinking that created them." Then, the author went on to say we can't look at the problem as an enemy but as an opportunity for learning. When we create a shift in our attitude toward the problem we grow. We are able to learn how to never go through this again.
Strategy Six
The author states, "there are three main ways of defining the problem of your conflicted relationship with your opponent. These consist of identifying the problem as a difficult person, a difficult personality, or as a difficult behavior."
Difficult person: I have learned that when conflicts occur the only person I can change is myself. I must not focus on the difficult person actions, views, or comments. I must focus on what I may have said and agree to speak more respectfully to the other person in the future.
Difficult personality: I have learned that sometimes the behavior is a coping mechanism and may merely be a diversion to draw attention away from the facts.
Difficult behavior: I have learned that many of our behaviors begin when we were a child because we were either deprived or received too much.
When I become a principal, I will have conflicts with people who possess these qualities. The three top techniques that I will use are: Accept other people and their ideas (focus on their behavior and why it bothers me), Do not try to change their behavior (discuss the issues as "its"), Be willing to collaborate (take responsibility for my actions). This chapter has really helped me to become a better listener and focus on the issue not the person.
Difficult person: I have learned that when conflicts occur the only person I can change is myself. I must not focus on the difficult person actions, views, or comments. I must focus on what I may have said and agree to speak more respectfully to the other person in the future.
Difficult personality: I have learned that sometimes the behavior is a coping mechanism and may merely be a diversion to draw attention away from the facts.
Difficult behavior: I have learned that many of our behaviors begin when we were a child because we were either deprived or received too much.
When I become a principal, I will have conflicts with people who possess these qualities. The three top techniques that I will use are: Accept other people and their ideas (focus on their behavior and why it bothers me), Do not try to change their behavior (discuss the issues as "its"), Be willing to collaborate (take responsibility for my actions). This chapter has really helped me to become a better listener and focus on the issue not the person.
Getting to Yes 1-5
On page 27, the book states: “Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. If they are not involved in the process, they are hardly likely to approve of the product. It is that simple.”
This is a valid point. Keeping this in mind when working as a group, big or small, could make the difference between a successful endeavor or a failed experience. Sometimes all someone needs is for someone to give them a chance with some responsibility and just knowing that the team is relying on them to produce, will result in a successful project. In fact, I just watched the movie “Hoosiers” and Shooter’s character comes to mind with this passage. Shooter (Dennis Hopper) is a washed up high school basketball player who still talks about the glory days of his playing career. He has a son that plays for the same Hickory High Huskers that he did, but instead of living vicariously through him, he wallows in his alcoholism and “what could have been.” Coach Norman Dale (Gene Hackman) decides that giving Shooter a chance is the only way to restore his sense of pride. Shooter has his ups and downs, but eventually recovers and gets to enjoy his Hickory High Huskers winning the state championship. By giving Shooter a stake in the outcome (when everyone else had written him off), Coach Dale salvaged a human being and a father-son relationship.
The entirety of chapter 5 is focused on the importance of using objective standards when developing a resolution. If one were to not assure that the standards of the resolution are 100% objective, it leaves them open to interpretation which can lead to more conflict and the last thing you want while trying to resolve one conflict is to incite another. Reading this was just a friendly reminder how important objective goals are when dealing with external conflicts.
Strategy 1
On page 2, the book states: “Many organizational cultures place a premium on conflict avoidance, whereas others reward accommodation or compromise. A number of highly competitive corporate cultures give high marks for aggression. Most possess a subtle set of rules regarding who can behave how, with whom, and over what.”
I would say that this is mostly correct. However, in my opinion none of the 3 options listed above (avoidance, accommodation, aggression) are really the right answer to dealing with conflict. To me, accommodation is the best case scenario if only given those three options, but being mature and handling the conflict face-to-face with the other side of the debate and resolving the conflict is the way it should be handled. I understand that a lot of corporations and organizations like to maintain a happy face and do so by sweeping the conflict under the rug. Truthfully, that probably works in the short term, but eventually it will boil over, or there will be some monstrous conflict that cannot be ignored that will overtake the company and its employees because none of them know how to deal with conflict because they have been told to just avoid it. Compromise usually leads to one side still being slightly jealous of the other side, and aggression can lead to an extreme sense of unfairness and hostility. I will use this knowledge to formulate a strategy in my future place of employment that does not resemble what was stated in that excerpt from the book, but instead encourages conflict resolving.
Strategy 2
On page 36, the book states: “Each of us filters what we hear through a largely unconscious unspoken backdrop of personal history, culture, and context that profoundly shapes the way we understand and interpret events and communications. We all lend a personal shape to reality and interpret it according to our own experiences, needs, desires, and expectations.”
This excerpt is especially important to keep in mind in any line of work, but especially athletics because of the wide variety of people with which we deal. Athletes come from all sorts of background and upbringings that can alter the perception of what we say. Being mindful of the way we say things is the first step in avoiding any misinterpretations. Another thing that you should do regardless of trying to establish effective lines of communication is getting to know your athletes (or co-workers in a mainstream job). Take some time to converse with them and get to know them so you have an idea of how their personal experiences will shape what you say to them.
Strategy 3
On page 76, the book states: “How we respond to our own powerful emotions affects our capacity to hear and respond to those of others, making us more or less available for relationships with people who express similar emotions. It is useful to think of emotions as teachers to be learned from, rather than as devils to be suppressed.”
In today’s world the phrase “cooler heads prevail” has become a phrase that some people live by. However, if you read this excerpt from strategy 3, it is not necessarily keeping your emotions in check that is the key as much as it is experiencing them and learning from them. Suppressing one’s own emotions and/or not even acknowledging them can lead to serious negative side effects like the inability to effectively process his or her own emotions in a time of crisis. After reading this passage I realized I needed to better process my own emotions and use them as learning tools rather than ignore them or suppress them or pretend like they don’t exist. By utilizing them as teachers, I will become a better functioning member of society as I will be able to use my emotions effectively.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Embedded video
I found out how to embed a You Tube video without getting all the "extra" (sometimes scary) videos on the You Tube page along with it. Below your You Tube video, click on Embed and copy the code. Go to the blog and click on "New Post." Above the post box, click "Edit HTML" and then paste the code into the box and "Publish" the post. You video will show up but not all the other YouTube stuff. I tried it with Mike's video as you can see below.
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